The “if onlys” club-the “regretion analysis”

According to the Bible,a man’s worst enemies are those of his household and narrowing this down quite frankly, the number one enemy to our success could very well be us!

Yep, it has to be said.

So many times we want to embark on this “dream” project of ours but never get around to doing it, why? For no just reason at all.
Think about it, what cogent reasons do we sometimes have for not beginning or “giving an honest or heartfelt jab” at our desired expectations cum dreams?
The reasons would sometimes range from: “I don’t think I am really ready”, “still trying to gather resources or materials” to “I’m waiting for just the right time”.
While all these are okay and exposing ourselves or having wrong timing could be detrimental to success, procrastination or delay can be a real dream killer!

A “no brainer” right?  but always an issue.

Sometimes what we just need to do is- be honest with ourselves regarding how we go about achieving our desired goals, draw a definitive line so we are not caught or muddled up in issues and just….attack!

Laziness is another goal killer we indulge in or employ quite so often,as laziness is closely related to procrastination, we tell ourselves the “why’s” and “why nots” behind(or before as the case maybe) our not carrying on or just beginning on the journey to accomplishing our dreams.

It’s probably needless to mention that the world today is rife with so many “lf only” attitudes and tags that we would do ourselves a bit of good by just giving our dreams and ambitions the little push required and therby saving ourselves the usual heartache that comes from not trying at all or not doing enough.

I don’t know about you, but there’s always this tendency for a “really hot” idea to become a “really cold” one and feel “distant” if I don’t have a go at it soon enough. I find that I have to work extra hard to keep focus and get anything done! (Maybe it’s just me). But we must agree that it  really pays to make hay.

Have you ever been in an “if only” situation? This happens when you are reminded (how be it bitterly) of some things you should have done several lifetimes back and what could have been if you had listened to the “still small voice” softly nudging you on to do or to become. It’s especially painful when someone we know succeeds “effortlessly” at what we otherwise thought we wouldn’t or couldn’t achieve.

We then go about feeling sorry for ourselves and carrying around the regretful/failure attitude or tag. Then we go “if onlying”.If only this, if only that and if only the other that is characteristic of failure and or regretful people.

The typical regretful/failure attitude/tag can include any of the following clubs but not limited to in definition or appearance by the following:

1. The characteristic “had I known” or “if only” speeches. Seen or been around anyone that falls under this category? to be honest,  most of us have had the “rare privileged” of delivering at one time or another our very own “had I known speech/if only”  speeches and depending on the degree of “defeatedness” and the authority we possess over our “audience”, it can be very long and very boring.

2. Another close cousin to the “had I known/if only” descendants of unrealised dreams and visions is the “I used to bes”. Here the affected individual rolls out a long list of items that they believe they used to be and be laden their audience with it. This can resemble the following or take the format of the following: “I used to be the best student in my class” (sound familiar), “I used to be so beautiful/handsome”, “I used to be so rich” and the bla bla continues. God help you if that individual is your boss! You would probably be subjected to unreasonable tasks and expectations and if a parent? The child is probably doomed to ceaseless comparisons between two totally varying lifetimes and experiences!

3. Another club with close resemblance and characteristics to the “I used to bes” is the “I could have been” or “how I wish” personalities. In my opinion they are the deadliest of the bunch! They could be ruthless, determinedly crafty, and would probably do anything, to keep a “hitherto perceived competition” distracted or derailed from their course. As long as it keeps said competition from looking or appearing better than they.

Reader beware!steer clear of these and better still strive to be a non-member of this club. With this in mind,I wish to say or write no more about this category.

Having done some justice to what could happen to us if we fail to “keep on keeping on”, “keep the candle burning”, “not give up on our dreams”, and so on and so forth. I would end by saying this: not only is “all well that ends well”, but that “whatever is worth doing is worth doing well” and  so let us please try to “go the extra mile” always.Don’t be part of the “regretion analysis”.

It’s very well worth the effort.:):):).

The very best.

































Midlife crisis and Perimenopause; didn’t know there was a”Peri” involved.

Isn’t it enough that women have menopause? What is this “Peri” stage involved? These and more were the questions reeling past my mind as I glared at the article I was reading.

And what is she on about? You maybe asking. This all started when I came across a newspaper publication where participants in a question and answer session with the writer of the article asked several questions and I realized that most of their questions sounded familiar!

I decided to look up some of the issues discussed and that’s when it hit me: I could be having a midlife crisis!

Midlife is usually from the age of forty give or take plus twenty years and is usually characterized by some interesting issues:

1. Wanting a simpler life.

2. Suddenly wanting to learn a musical instrument

3. Worrying over your thinning hair

4. Taking up a new hobby

5. Wanting to make the world a better place

6. Fearing the worst if a parent calls at an unexpected time

7. Obsessively comparing your looks with others of same age

8. Dyeing your hair when it’s grey

9. Stopping telling people your age

10.Worrying about being worse off at retirement than your parents.

11. Looking up your medical symptoms on the Internet!

Anyone of the above describe you? (You could look up by Amanda Killelea, where I got these symptoms from and fill yourself with the rest of the 40 symptoms of midlife crisis)

It’s not like I don’t know about menopause and issues arising before and during this”not so looked forward to” period, I just didn’t know there was a”physical condition” known as Perimenopause. An actual physical condition!

And for those of you (like me) who are new to this condition-“Peri”means around or about. So technically Perimenopause means about or around menopause. I even discovered a blog dedicated to this;

This brings me to a day I displayed one of my “perimenopausal symptoms”;

I had finished preparing dinner and we all sat down to the meal when one of my son’s asks, (after a couple of Spoonfuls)-: isn’t there an ingredient missing in this?(brief explanation: since I live in an all “boys hostel” where everyone’s taste bud is sharp and sensitive(thanks to my dear husband) and we practice and encourage freedom of speech, you would think I’d be used to comments such as these especially after thirteen years!?

Nooo! And what do I do? I flip and flop around like a dart with repeated comments on “how I wasn’t appreciated”and so many other things I would rather want to spare you at this time.

You should have seen the look on my family’s face! Classic! Do you remember the”who are you and what did you do with my mother/wife look? Yep, that’s the one.

I usually go about these days with a lot of “very or over”attached to my already sensitive emotions; very quiet, overreacting, very this, very that. I sometimes feel so sorry for my husband who sometimes finds it difficult to keep up!

Why is it that the men don’t have a “pre”or “peri”something to deal with?  (just thinking aloud. )

Looking back now,I wonder what got to me if not “Mr. Peri”. So, when you go ” flip-flop” like me, please feel free to blame it on the peri. Something or someone has to be blamed anyway. Typical right?

Dear husbands of ours,now that you know that there’s this”Peri” involved ,what sort of men are you supposed to be…

“Peri”understanding ones!!!


The very best.