The “jobless” better half.

This is fast becoming a bit of a headache in most families and the strain on the economic activities and earnings does nothing but help add salt to an already infested wound.

Bonds and relationships are constantly on trial from the daily financial requirements of the individual and collective demands that must be supplied.

Paycheck of parents do not sufficiently cover expenses without spillovers and the take-home pay does nothing but get you to the bus stop these days, especially when you have so many obligations that are already “stannding deductions” to your accounts which must be met except you want repo men showing at your doorstep for definitely more than a hello call.

Then wifey or hubby goes and gets herself or himself fired!

wpid-20150524_12_40_48.jpeg

What about the partner that has not succeeded in landing a job let alone keep it.

The weeks of taking care of the responsibilities alone, on the part of one of the couple, become months, that become years of pure agony.

Gradually, the bite becomes harsher and bitter and eventually disastrous.

The relationship starts to suffer.

One or both of the parties involved cannot bear it any longer.

What. To. Do?

I’ve heard of a man that lost his job, he was probably ashamed or afraid to intimate his family, and every morning, he gets dressed as usual but instead of going to the office like before, he goes about looking for another job until the wife finds out….

What. To. Do?

If you have ever been in this situation, you will agree that it’s not a funny place to be AT ALL.

But somehow, somewhere, a company downsizes-or whatever term suits the situation-and people are let go and for those who do not have a “fallback” on, the landing is so rocky that victims have severe broken limbs to show and nurse from their fall.

The fabric of the relationship is the next to feel the wear and tear that comes with the situation at hand after a lot of “sacrifices and let go’s” have been made.

Depending on the extent of maturity, patience and tolerance, of those involved, the reactions to the already apparent situation and the pending future doom further looming at the corner- except something happens real quick-begin to unfold!

Whether there will be adverse effects of one of two in relationship loosing a job is not in question here, because there will be all sorts of emotions running free and wild at such a time,  but rather, the handling of the situation and the emotions that come with; “I am out of the labour market” no matter how temporary or otherwise it is.

This is not a financial appraisal of what you should have done, what you should be doing or what you can do-financially per se-but a look at how we have allowed an already bad situation become worse.

There are some things that we could do and not do that could help soften the “slap” of loosing a job and keep us from landing in a courtroom with husband and wife slugging it out and trying to win the who-has-the-dirtiest-sharpest-tongue contest to the shame and heartache of family and friends.

It’s not the time for constant “referrals”.

I get that the situation can come as a rude shock to everyone involved but what I don’t get is, why we  always have to refer to the sack at every given opportunity especially in a bid to degrade, settle scores, look superior or some other self-serving schemes we may have up our sleeves. This is definitely a no, no.

How does this help the situation?

If anything and if you must make referrals, please do so in areas that will assist the “job search” of your friend or spouse and not go out of your way to prove superiority or relevance because you still keep a job.

Rather, remember that the axe can swing anyone’s way because loosing a job doesn’t necessarily mean the one is incompetent.

As for you, the one that lost the job, not every remark is aimed at you and ultimately seeks to further floor you from your position of “downfall”.

So “man up” or “woman up” as the case may be.

It’s not the time to expect immediate rapid change.

Depending on the individual and the circumstances around the “let go”, change may be difficult to make.

While some might take it in their stride and jump on the next bus towards the next job opportunity, others might want to take time to think through what just happen, absorb it, before taking decisions towards their next destination.

For some they might indeed get a move on but to destination x and will be busy trying out various ideas and things while some would consider a career change or might just want to start up that dream or vision of their’s.

So please, try and understand the position of things before making demands on change and expectations.

It’s not the time to rant and rave.

When all your neighbours can hear from your household, is your exchange of words with your spouse with lots of blame and insults trending and trading, then that’s a setup for disaster!

It solves nothing, resolves nothing, changes nothing and is worth nothing, so I won’t even dwell on it.

Please stop it!

If not for your sakes, then for your children. If that’s not a consideration, then for your sanity.

Please!

It’s not the time to have a “pity party” either.

I personally think of all the “do nots”, this is the most degrading.

What you lost is “a job” not your life!

So it’s not the end of the world-maybe the end of a phase-so move on to the next phase of your life!

What happened to as long as there’s life there’s hope?

You have to pick up yourself and move on for nobody else will do it for you.

Not your husband/wife, your children, family or friends. So quit the whining, it will get you no where, fast.

Learn the lessons of the fall.

This should be one of the paramount things to do in this situation and it would be helpful if the unaffected spouse-well the one that didn’t loose the job-to assist with this. With all the care required coming to bear or else, get ready for war! 🙂

This being, there could be some things that your partner may be oblivious to or might not be ready to accept. So that’s where you come in.

The watchword again-care. 

So please be careful.

Unless you are a phycologist, don’t play the part.

Even if you are, do it with care.

I might be wrong but, would this be the time to want to pick your spouse’s brain to see what’s going on in there? How balanced he/she is? How the situation has affected them.

I think not.

If that is a concern though, then leave it to the experts or another expert if you are one yourself.

Well, what do I know? I’m not a phycologist. I’m just saying…

Redirect your energy

Some folks are just completely restless and when befallen with this kind of issue, their inability to “sit still” could be their undoing.

So for the love of peace and sanity do something to keep that energy busy so you don’t implode or explode and destroy stuff in your path like family and friends.

And hey, as much as you think some members of the family could have played a part to the whole “loss” thing, you ultimately are responsible for what happens to you.

Not the children. Not the spouse but you. So get a grip on it and MOVE ON.

The quicker the better!

There are a lot of things you want to do to get back into your game.

Just make sure you understand what to do and do it passionately without fear, prejudice and blame.

Remember that it could have been worse. But here you are, alive and making a comeback.

Just be grateful.

Besides, it could be a blessing in disguise and if you think it’s not make it one!

With God’s help, you are unstoppable!

Advertisements