UNAFFECTED BY SABBATH

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I had an interesting time one morning as my dearest shared with me some things that the Holy Spirit laid in his heart. I would love to share some of these things from the Scripture bellow:

John 5:1 After this there was a feast of the Jews; and Jesus went up to Jerusalem.
5:2 Now there is at Jerusalem by the sheep market a pool, which is called in the Hebrew tongue Bethesda, having five porches.
5:3 In these lay a great multitude of impotent folk, of blind, halt, withered, waiting for the moving of the water.
5:4 For an angel went down at a certain season into the pool, and troubled the water: whosoever then first after the troubling of the water stepped in was made whole of whatsoever disease he had.
5:5 And a certain man was there, which had an infirmity thirty and eight years.
5:6 When Jesus saw him lie, and knew that he had been now a long time in that case, he saith unto him, Wilt thou be made whole?
5:7 The impotent man answered him, Sir, I have no man, when the water is troubled, to put me into the pool: but while I am coming, another steppeth down before me.
5:8 Jesus saith unto him, Rise, take up thy bed, and walk.
5:9 And immediately the man was made whole, and took up his bed, and walked: and on the same day was the sabbath.
5:10 The Jews therefore said unto him that was cured, It is the sabbath day: it is not lawful for thee to carry thy bed.
5:11 He answered them, He that made me whole, the same said unto me, Take up thy bed, and walk. 5:12 Then asked they him, What man is that which said unto thee, Take up thy bed, and walk?
5:13 And he that was healed wist not who it was: for Jesus had conveyed himself away, a multitude being in that place.
5:14 Afterward Jesus findeth him in the temple, and said unto him, Behold, thou art made whole: sin no more, lest a worse thing come unto thee.
5:15 The man departed, and told the Jews that it was Jesus, which had made him whole.
5:16 And therefore did the Jews persecute Jesus, and sought to slay him, because he had done these things on the sabbath day.
5:17 But Jesus answered them, My Father worketh hitherto, and I work.
5:18 Therefore the Jews sought the more to kill him, because he not only had broken the sabbath, but said also that God was his Father, making himself equal with God.
5:19 Then answered Jesus and said unto them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, The Son can do nothing of himself, but what he seeth the Father do: for what things soever he doeth, these also doeth the Son likewise.
5:20 For the Father loveth the Son, and sheweth him all things that himself doeth: and he will shew him greater works than these, that ye may marvel.

This Scripture is so loaded with awesomeness from the Father that it’s amazing how much of God’s WORD, if we can get it into us will deliver what we need and subsequently set us free to go and become even as we perform for God.

Some of the first things that one will notice as you read this passage are:
1. That Jesus probably went to Jerusalem for something else-the feast of the Jews.
2. There were a lot of other folks there having one issue or another, the Bible referred to them as multitude.
3. They were all waiting for the same thing-the moving of the water.

It’s interesting to note that Jesus was the One that saw the man, and knew without receiving any update from the impotent man or others around, that the situation has been for a long time. The man didn’t even see Jesus first.  Jesus then asked him a question: “wilt thou be made whole?”

Simple question right? But what was the man’s reply? To think that he spoke of something else other than the answer to the question that he was asked, is somehow bewildering.

I don’t know if the man did not understand the question or if he wasn’t interested in what or who Jesus is and what Jesus was saying to him, maybe that was even a ready made answer he gave to every and any person that came by to speak to him.

I would like to believe that this man was used to people asking him these kind of questions that he now had a preset answer waiting and ready to deliver so much so that when he was asked a different kind of question, he automatically gave an answer like he always did oblivious to how inaccurate his answer was and that he was being asked a different thing.

The question he was probably expecting, that had most likely been asked him so many times that he had could have lost count, I assume was something along these lines; why have not received your healing? Are you still impotent? What are you still doing here? These are some of the questions this man had come to be asked that he eventually had his ready made answer for every occasion and caller.

This only goes to point out that he definitely didn’t know who Jesus is nor had he heard about him! One would think that his situation would keep him abreast with anything and anyone that could in any way be of help one way or another to him and his situation, but no, he didn’t know about the very person who would deliver him of and from his situation.

Was it that news about Jesus never filtered to him? Probably he was already tuned out to his surrounding and all he could see, hear and thinks about was his problem and how there was no one ready to assist him. He was in a hopeless situation!

As much as the man was looking to man for help, he was also being discouraged by many a man that were getting into the pool before him and he whined about it; “but while I am coming, another steppeth down before me”.

Before I even try to get into the pool, all those who are faster than me, smarter than me, stronger than me, everything else than me get into the pool first and they get healed! Get their miracle. Oh how doomed my situation, what will become of me!

This man indeed saw his position as very hopeless and none willing to help him when he desperately needed help.

This man was bedridden as evidenced in verse six, this then means that someone or some persons would have brought him there, so why didn’t they just hang around for a bit even if it meant taking turns at his side so they could push him into the pool once the stirring began? At least the man’s answer suggested that this would in no way nullify or disqualify him from receiving his healing assuming they chose to do so.

The helplessness of his situation was such that even friends and relatives had grown tired of his situation and were not willing to pitch in the final efforts to ensure his healing. They probably just brought him there to be rid of him.

A very hopeless situation indeed.

But what is amazing is that Jesus wasn’t bothered that he didn’t recognise Him, nor was He bothered by his wrong answer to His question. He didn’t even point out how hopeless the man had become or the fact that he would be be breaking the Jewish code of conduct slash traditional. He went ahead and gave the man what he needed.

I mean, the guy had nothing going for him physically, mentally, socially etc but yet the LORD of all found him and against all odds healed him.

But that’s not all, this story doesn’t end here.

The preceeding verses up to verse thirteen only helps to clarify that the man really didn’t know Jesus! Like really! Even after he was healed!

How uninformed can a person get especially concerning the very person that could have and eventually went ahead to heal you. Your curiosity didn’t get the best of you and your nonchalance to get you asking questions about the person that just set you free!!!

But that’s not even where I’m headed. In the next verse Jesus does something so utterly wonderful!

5:14 Afterward Jesus findeth him in the temple, and said unto him, Behold, thou art made whole: sin no more, lest a worse thing come unto thee.

Jesus findeth him. Jesus looked for him! The same man that knew nothing about Him, and as far as record shows wasn’t thankful for the healing he received. He didn’t even do a two step dance in rejoicing for what God had done for him. The guy just went on his merry way and Jesus still had to go “find” him….

He doesn’t even question his lacking attitude but goes ahead to completely rescue him from satan’s grip by making three statements. The three statements that loosed him and let him go completely.

These statements showed that the man was not made whole by just being healed. Secondly, the man was a sinner and his sins probably brought about his initial predicament, and thirdly, Jesus goes ahead to forewarn him to not go on sinning so that something worse doesn’t befall him!

How merciful our LORD is!

His mercy didn’t judge the man even though he deserved it. His mercy didn’t spite him. But most of all, His mercy doesn’t go on holidays!

This is so encouraging, so comforting and so loving!

I am personally grateful to God that His mercy speaks and continues to speak on my behalf.

Are you going through stuff right now and you feel family and friends have all rejected you are you feel like you have been left alone to die? That you are the least qualified or least deserving person in the world right now?

Does your situation seem hopeless and it has been around for so long it beginning to feel like part of you? A second skin?

What about that dream of yours that seems so overwhelming it scares you stiff and you don’t know who to turn to?

Why not cry out to God for mercy?

Maybe you are the one that needs to stop looking for the moving of the water and look to the God that stir the water!

He never fails! His mercy never takes a hike nor does it observe holidays.

Try Jesus today!

I testify with joy that I am a product of God’s mercy. Be encouraged, God.is. able!!!!!

🙂 😉 :0

Live, Love, Learn, and Grow!

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As we rebuild the Temple

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The reading of Ezra chapter 4 vs 1(NLT) could leave one wandering why and how a set of persons who have been termed “enemies of Judah and Benjamin” could think, expect, to be allowed to partake in the building of the Temple of the Lord God of said opponents in Zerubbabel’s days. Until the next verse steps up and you begin to understand the platform on which such persons derived their confidence and the basis for which they put forward their suggestion.

Verse one states that the enemies of Judah and Benjamin “heard”. It is the information they received that prompted the line of action that they took. They heard that there was a building project going on and then took action.

The way we go about our daily lives sometimes without the awareness that there are things said and heard and that these things spoken have to be heard by at least those that have ears and are within earshot of us. But that most importantly, every hearing could or should result in a corresponding action or inaction that could have temporal and or eternal consequences on us.

What are we predominantly speaking of/about? Concerning ourselves, our families, spouses, children, work of our hands etc. The Bible states in Psalms 19 vs 2 that day unto day uttereth speech….
Also Proverbs chapter 6 vs 2 informs us that we are snared by the words of our mouth. This should encourage us to become conscious of what we say, how we say them and whom we say them to. Let’s ensure that we are giving out information that is proper as becometh children of God or at least the one we want to be out there.

Verse two states that they approached Zerubbabel and the other leaders and said the following important statements:

1. Let us build with you.
2. For we worship your God just as you do.
3. We have sacrificed to Him ever since….

Statement one– let us build with you:
In the first chapter of the book of Ezra in the third verse we would read the words of King Cyrus whom the Lord had stirred his heart in fulfilment of the prophesy given through Jeremiah concerning this building project, and the category of people who were to be involved in the rebuilding of the Temple at Jerusalem-
“Any of you who are His people may go to Jerusalem in Judah to rebuild the Temple of the Lord”

This proclamation was put in writing and sent through out the Kingdom of Persia. So apart from the Israelites, a lot of people would have heard of the proclamation from the King and those to whom it pertained. Yet these set of individuals still found it appropriate to offer assistance toward a project they should have had nothing to do with except maybe contribute towards the expenses incurred by the Jews during the project!

The Word of God spoken to us by His Spirit, or that which was made alive as we studied God’s Word, or the Word of God we have perhaps received from persons God placed in our lives as overseers, will always be questioned, challenged tried or distorted by the enemy.

We have too many instances in the Bible to serve as example. So it is not enough to receive a word from the Lord, it is important that we know it for ourselves completely and believe it thoroughly to enable us stand by it no matter what! As long as we have confirmation that this word is from God let’s go ahead and run with it. Unless like Eve, we end up being deceived by the very words that was supposed to rescue us in the first place.

Statement number two: for we worship your God just as you do…
If there ever was a statement that showed the detachment of the speaker from the activity or statement this is it. These people did not have a personal, experiential knowledge and relationship with the God of whom they speak of. We worship “your” God, as “you” do.

It will not be overstating it at this time If I say that we all need a continuous, growing relationship with God. One that causes us to bow in worship and adoration of the One we have come to know and love and not depend on the way “they” do what “they” do to “their” God!

We should not only depend on the referencing from others when it comes to the Worship of YHWH. The Word of God and the Holy Spirit should be our standpoint and foundation as we develop and grow in God. Whatever others say should be tested and checked out in the Word of God as the Bible promptly warns, test all spirits including ours!

Statement three: we have sacrificed to Him ever since…. This statement almost begins to sound like one of those “do you know how long I have been doing this work” kind of talk.

The rituals of doing the work of God can be both occupying and distracting. The fact that we are constantly engaged in the work of God does not mean we are pleasing God. Let’s not just be caught up with the rigors of external “worship” while our daily lives are far from what God expects from us.  God will not lower His standard because we were “busy” doing the work? Our lives have to be lively stones, ignited by His Spirit and meet for His use. So that at the end of the day we do not hear “depart from me”.

From Zerubbabel’s reply: “you may have no part in this work” one would come to the conclusion that he and the leaders with him had a proper knowledge of what God had said concerning the work they were carrying out and they went ahead to state the obvious how be it politely! He was able to spot the difference in these ones and wasted no time in dealing with the situation.  “You may not be a part of this work” period.

We should not be too quick and eager to accept every “help” that presents itself or comes our way, no matter how good and tempting it may seem. We should ask ourselves some very pertinent questions: is this of God,  does it conform to the word of God? I’m I going/supposed to be yoked together with these?  And the likes. I understand the need to want to do a two, three step in praise and worship due to the testimony time, blessing time, but it’s best to be safe than sorry. Just because it looks good does not necessarily mean it is good. Well, good according to whom???.

The immediate response to Zerubbabel’s refusal of their help only confirmed to the children of God that these ones were enemies indeed!  Because we refuse someone’s help, should they now make it their life’s ambition to frustrate the work you are involved in? The same work they were so eager to be a part of in the first place? This is very instructive! Imagine if they had accepted the said help, what would have become of the project?!!!

Let’s test every spirit before we entangle and entwine ourselves in relationships that would destroy us and ultimately derail us from Heaven.

Not all that glitter be of God!

Live, Love, Learn, and Grow!

Confessing our faults and keeping secrets

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“Please sis, don’t tell anyone oh!”

Anulika shouts at her older sister as they were parting ways and adds:

“I don’t want the publicity that would come with it”

Not wanting to leave it there,  she walks back to her and looks at her, eyes pleading.

“Especially your husband, I know you guys are pretty close. I just don’t want anyone else but you in this matter. Let’s just keep it this way”

Her older sister looks at her and replies.

“Kai, it’s a good thing you mentioned my husband, I would have gone straight to him to offload. But its okay, I can see that this is very dear to you”

She makes a show of zipping her lips and smiles.

“I won’t tell him and that means no one else gets to know. Besides, he’s the only one I would have told anyway”

She laughs, giving her sister a hug.

“Your little secret is safe with me”

But continues with a slight frown

“Even though I don’t see why you are so worked up about it”

And so it stays, their little secret.

James 5 vs 16: confess your faults one to another and pray for one another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of the righteous man availeth much-KJV.

It’s becoming very rare these days to find someone to confide in without mortgaging your peace of mind, joy or liberty in the process. The upbeat your heart sometimes experiences whenever you see the person in question, is a telltale sign that trust has probably decided to come in deferent work clothes or has completely hiked in the opposite direction.

Making it rather difficult to invest such a precious belief in people.

The resultant effect of someone actually breaking promise can be so devastating, that most would opt to take their secrets to the grave than share it and live the rest of their lives not knowing what next or remain kind of indebted to whomever it is they have confided in.

And who would blame them?

Apart from the constant worry that the one would stab you at the back, (especially for those who have scars in this area of sharing) and confide in their best friend who of course has his or her own “bestie” to confide in is that eventually, CNN finds it difficult to compete with the spread of the breaking news, isn’t this enough to make one want to zip up!

The best part of this whole “breaking news” issue is that there’s always a tendency of the story missing some or most of its parts, suffering partial or total mutilation, that by the time it comes around to your ears (and believe me it always manages to) you hardly recognise yourself in it or the various scenes that have been adopted to make the story more tell-able.

Lots of theories have been proposed and definitions put forth, with several appendices, all without your permission. Leaving you in disgust as to how the human mind can be so employed, when the individuals involved really decide to put their imagination to “good use”

Let’s not even venture into those that come to verify the truth or otherwise of the matter therein or those that believe they have a God given right to put together a pity-party on your behalf. Going ahead to do so without recourse as to how it helps the current situation or if you even desired one in the first place!

Then you have to deal with the “looks” you get to receive from those who:
( a ) are probably not bold enough to join the association of Pity-Partying-Persons or
( b) not interested in confirming the truth or otherwise of the matter
( c) are just waiting for an opportunity to look down or up at you
( d) just wanted to give you the “look” anyway

Now back to James 5:13, but this time NLT style :

Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.

Hmmm, from fault to sin. I don’t even want to dabble into whether one is weightier than the other or not but in some quarters sin and fault certainly do not have the same disarming effect!

My concern is, if the Word of God expects us to be each other’s confidants, then that’s how it should be, shouldn’t it?

Secondly, is it just me or does no one else notice the “and” that conjoin the action of confession of faults to the action of praying for one another’s healing?

This begs the question. Is one of the reasons people are so fraught with deferring kinds of illness from no where in particular without warning not because of the dearth of those to confide in?

Isn’t this lack of confidants or the fear of betrayal from one the reason why most are plunging into depression and emotional turmoil?

For if I have and know someone I can confidently walk up to without fear or friction and offload, why for heavens sake would I allow myself to plunge into depression or be in combat with self-esteem?

Because like it or not, there comes a time when we would want someone to hold our hands and say it is well , the Word of God never fails, how can I help out?

I get it that we should not make a habit of “dumping” on others but there might just be this one time when we feel that the ears of another are so important and needed at that time and then you look around and bang! It hits you, you are completely on your own.

Loneliness starts gnawing at you, insecurity creeps in and before you know it, it’s goodbye peace and hello fear.

You are now carrying this burden, fault, sin all alone when you could have easily reached out to someone.

It’s not a pretty place to be.

This verse of Scripture not only entrusts us with the responsibility to hear ourselves out but also the duty of doing something that would yield corrective, positive results.

Let’s step up to this much needed responsibility and watch as the ripple effect drowns out the noise and nastiness of the times that we’re in as our prayer produces wonderful results!

I celebrate You, Spirit of the Most High God!

Live, Love, Learn, and Grow!

As you make your bed, so you lie

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Wishful thinking has been one of man’s major, ancient, enemies.

We want something, but are sometimes not willing to do what it takes to achieve or acquire it.

We want something, but most times wish it would just appear out of the blue without our having to lift a finger towards getting it.

This might not be the case for everyone of us, but it’s rather very easy to daydream about any and everything,  the flying car, the talking home and all sorts without lifting a finger. It’s just that, the price for laziness is quite steep. Quite steep indeed…

And when we don’t have what we want, we sulk, whine, whimper, complain. All but accept the part we played in our not receiving what we desire.Nothing!

We would rather blame someone else than our own selves for our lack of action and incompetence than go through the arduous task of doing the needful-as we say-to acquire the “wishful”

Why we choose to heap blame on others but ourselves for goals not achieved further points to detracting and derailing attitudes that we need to do away with or get out of our system. But do we? Nah! It’s much easier to pass bulk. That soothes us just fine.

Everyone else but you, easy bait.

Considering we even have all it takes to be and get what we want- the beds, the sheets and the pillows that goes with it, the complete set that some may lack-wouldn’t it just be nice to go the final lap and make the bed? And on time too?

There are differing levels of “the way we make our beds” and the circumstances surrounding it that if one really puts cap to head or head to cap, one would find varying degrees and hues to it that would in the end, require another round of head to cap or cap to head process, to enable one understand the gravity of the situation. 

Some situations involve people who have no beds at all. Some have beds with no sheets, while others are not in the league of pillow owners by any long stretch and some have all these things but yet don’t consider the rigors of making the bed a worth while venture.

I mean, come on, aren’t you and I the ones to profit from a neatly made bed after all? What else can beat a good night’s rest on fresh, clean, sheets!

Maybe we should keep viewing it this way-no making my, no sleeping I get-so as to ensure we pull down the obstructing barriers to our nights rests, whether self erected or otherwise, so we can enjoy good, sound, sleep.

After a hard day’s work I should add. This brings me to the timing of making our beds. When should be the appropriate time to make this bed in question? Obviously not when we are weary and worn…

The fact that some even go as far as keeping the sheets so dirty, the ooze from it could kill a distant fly is somewhat unimaginable to some extent but true.

Then others just cannot tell the difference between clean sheets and dirty ones, they just make their beds with the sheets as they are, not bothering with the fine art of clean sheets in the least.

Then comes the herculean task of accepting a point-out, if, and when it comes from others about their not-so clean sheets. God help you, if you are so unfortunate to be the one to tell one of these kinds that their sheets are dirty. You will be faced with the real life drama of denial, abuse of your person and/or serious arguments about whether or not the sheets are clean or dirty and how minding your own business can be a blessing. Then if you do get off easy, strict warning to keep your opinions to yourself and disappear.

I imagine that playing mother hen or goose in these kinds of situation is not a very rewarding pastime but let’s face it, how many of us truly like being told about our dirty anything? Whether we are going about it the public display way or just keeping our private matters private? Hmm, how many? Not many I must say, for rather than be approached by others when we are wrong or lacking in an area, we will would prefer to glide in our state of blissful ignorance and “undisturbedness” if I am allowed to use this grammar at this point.

How about those who clearly lack proper assessment of times and tides? They either end up getting the wrong kind of fabric for the opposite kind of weather as bedsheets and altogether are unprepared to whether the storm or shine when it comes. They are sweating profusely in hot situations and nearly dieing of cold due to thin coverings in freezing atmosphere. 

In these circumstances the supposed well equipped beds, sheets and pillow situations end up being nothing better than the cases of those who have some of the items missing or non of the items in the set at all. They therefore end up facing same life challenges with the have-some or have-nots.

For those of us that have the luxury of having their beds tended to by others, congratulations! But can I quickly point out here that not all situations in this life will always allow pseudo arrangements. For instance, imagine the awkwardness of being fed by another when you are not an invalid or a baby. Even when invalid and aged, the uncomfortable picture of someone else passing you a spoonful at times will make you sit up and fill-up, except in extreme cases where hands fail to meet mouth and then there’s nothing wrong with someone else helping out. Nothing at all.

Other than such cases, we had better get ourselves training on how to make our beds since/if can afford to, or watch as each hour of the night finds us wide awake and deeply irritated and the morning does not help but expose our state of restlessness and lack of sleep. Not a very good condition to be caught in I promise you.

I have heard of and know that some of us can pass out on a bed, clean sheets or not dressed or undressed, and sleep to their hearts content and never be disturbed by the happenings around them. Even if a dedicated, hardworking carpenter decided to take shop by their beds in rigorous job-fulfilling hammering, every day for every night of every year! Well….(where is that smiley with a zipper for lips…)

They don’t bulge or loose sleep over one carpenter who has failed to search the Holy Scripture to discover and understand the importance and meaning of “He giveth His beloveth sweet sleep”.
Forgetting that eventually, what happens to those who sleep on dirty sheets will happen to them. No matter how long it takes, the itching will start and the rash will appear, howbeit, you being the only one to fully understand goings on, but a repercussion always rears it head, ugly to sight or hidden.

Then come the natural human tendency of comparison. Beds, sheets, pillows, the sizes, colours and texture among other issues now get to be evaluated and compared with that of others and precious time that could be used to, for instance, work out how best to improve on our bedroom settings is wasted on the mind sapping activity of “why them and not me” not bothering to put into consideration the hard work and attention that may have come into play before such restfulness was achieved.

As much as God will grant His beloved sweet sleep, it is still up to you and I to play our part. We are to get into our PJ’s or whatever comfortable clothing we require for sleeping, dress our beds and keep to the routine of ensuring the bedding remain clean and tidy as often as necessary. Finding time and opportunity to get spare sheets and slips as we can afford.

Ultimately, the onus for a good night sleep rests with us and no one else. Let’s make effort to ensure we do a good job of ensuring complete restfulness.

We can add progress to this process of bed making given time and effort and practice by adding such things as beautiful smelling fragrance for effect and of course, the cooling system etc etc.

It is after we have successfully played our parts that we can look around, heave a sigh of relief, and stretch out relaxed and content to take naps or night rests as the case may determine.

Otherwise ask ourselves; what exactly I’m I missing out in this process of bed making that is causing my lack of sound sleep?

Once we are able to detect where the problem lies and ultimately do something about it, it’s hello sleep and goodbye sleeplessness.

Or at least count sheep for extra help.

The snore comes naturally. 

As long as it’s not too loud, it’s allowed, after all, you worked for it. So, sleep tight!

Live, Love, Learn, and Grow!

The “jobless” better half.

This is fast becoming a bit of a headache in most families and the strain on the economic activities and earnings does nothing but help add salt to an already infested wound.

Bonds and relationships are constantly on trial from the daily financial requirements of the individual and collective demands that must be supplied.

Paycheck of parents do not sufficiently cover expenses without spillovers and the take-home pay does nothing but get you to the bus stop these days, especially when you have so many obligations that are already “stannding deductions” to your accounts which must be met except you want repo men showing at your doorstep for definitely more than a hello call.

Then wifey or hubby goes and gets herself or himself fired!

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What about the partner that has not succeeded in landing a job let alone keep it.

The weeks of taking care of the responsibilities alone, on the part of one of the couple, become months, that become years of pure agony.

Gradually, the bite becomes harsher and bitter and eventually disastrous.

The relationship starts to suffer.

One or both of the parties involved cannot bear it any longer.

What. To. Do?

I’ve heard of a man that lost his job, he was probably ashamed or afraid to intimate his family, and every morning, he gets dressed as usual but instead of going to the office like before, he goes about looking for another job until the wife finds out….

What. To. Do?

If you have ever been in this situation, you will agree that it’s not a funny place to be AT ALL.

But somehow, somewhere, a company downsizes-or whatever term suits the situation-and people are let go and for those who do not have a “fallback” on, the landing is so rocky that victims have severe broken limbs to show and nurse from their fall.

The fabric of the relationship is the next to feel the wear and tear that comes with the situation at hand after a lot of “sacrifices and let go’s” have been made.

Depending on the extent of maturity, patience and tolerance, of those involved, the reactions to the already apparent situation and the pending future doom further looming at the corner- except something happens real quick-begin to unfold!

Whether there will be adverse effects of one of two in relationship loosing a job is not in question here, because there will be all sorts of emotions running free and wild at such a time,  but rather, the handling of the situation and the emotions that come with; “I am out of the labour market” no matter how temporary or otherwise it is.

This is not a financial appraisal of what you should have done, what you should be doing or what you can do-financially per se-but a look at how we have allowed an already bad situation become worse.

There are some things that we could do and not do that could help soften the “slap” of loosing a job and keep us from landing in a courtroom with husband and wife slugging it out and trying to win the who-has-the-dirtiest-sharpest-tongue contest to the shame and heartache of family and friends.

It’s not the time for constant “referrals”.

I get that the situation can come as a rude shock to everyone involved but what I don’t get is, why we  always have to refer to the sack at every given opportunity especially in a bid to degrade, settle scores, look superior or some other self-serving schemes we may have up our sleeves. This is definitely a no, no.

How does this help the situation?

If anything and if you must make referrals, please do so in areas that will assist the “job search” of your friend or spouse and not go out of your way to prove superiority or relevance because you still keep a job.

Rather, remember that the axe can swing anyone’s way because loosing a job doesn’t necessarily mean the one is incompetent.

As for you, the one that lost the job, not every remark is aimed at you and ultimately seeks to further floor you from your position of “downfall”.

So “man up” or “woman up” as the case may be.

It’s not the time to expect immediate rapid change.

Depending on the individual and the circumstances around the “let go”, change may be difficult to make.

While some might take it in their stride and jump on the next bus towards the next job opportunity, others might want to take time to think through what just happen, absorb it, before taking decisions towards their next destination.

For some they might indeed get a move on but to destination x and will be busy trying out various ideas and things while some would consider a career change or might just want to start up that dream or vision of their’s.

So please, try and understand the position of things before making demands on change and expectations.

It’s not the time to rant and rave.

When all your neighbours can hear from your household, is your exchange of words with your spouse with lots of blame and insults trending and trading, then that’s a setup for disaster!

It solves nothing, resolves nothing, changes nothing and is worth nothing, so I won’t even dwell on it.

Please stop it!

If not for your sakes, then for your children. If that’s not a consideration, then for your sanity.

Please!

It’s not the time to have a “pity party” either.

I personally think of all the “do nots”, this is the most degrading.

What you lost is “a job” not your life!

So it’s not the end of the world-maybe the end of a phase-so move on to the next phase of your life!

What happened to as long as there’s life there’s hope?

You have to pick up yourself and move on for nobody else will do it for you.

Not your husband/wife, your children, family or friends. So quit the whining, it will get you no where, fast.

Learn the lessons of the fall.

This should be one of the paramount things to do in this situation and it would be helpful if the unaffected spouse-well the one that didn’t loose the job-to assist with this. With all the care required coming to bear or else, get ready for war! 🙂

This being, there could be some things that your partner may be oblivious to or might not be ready to accept. So that’s where you come in.

The watchword again-care. 

So please be careful.

Unless you are a phycologist, don’t play the part.

Even if you are, do it with care.

I might be wrong but, would this be the time to want to pick your spouse’s brain to see what’s going on in there? How balanced he/she is? How the situation has affected them.

I think not.

If that is a concern though, then leave it to the experts or another expert if you are one yourself.

Well, what do I know? I’m not a phycologist. I’m just saying…

Redirect your energy

Some folks are just completely restless and when befallen with this kind of issue, their inability to “sit still” could be their undoing.

So for the love of peace and sanity do something to keep that energy busy so you don’t implode or explode and destroy stuff in your path like family and friends.

And hey, as much as you think some members of the family could have played a part to the whole “loss” thing, you ultimately are responsible for what happens to you.

Not the children. Not the spouse but you. So get a grip on it and MOVE ON.

The quicker the better!

There are a lot of things you want to do to get back into your game.

Just make sure you understand what to do and do it passionately without fear, prejudice and blame.

Remember that it could have been worse. But here you are, alive and making a comeback.

Just be grateful.

Besides, it could be a blessing in disguise and if you think it’s not make it one!

With God’s help, you are unstoppable!

The things that put asunder.

Of all the culprits that engage to disengaged couples and cause problems in relationships amongst other things, I’m beginning to believe the phone takes the lead. It’s completely in a class of its own!

This little “technology monster” has trumped all else in the fine act of control.

Imagine the way we quickly respond to its every beep and buzz. Like it owns us, but doesn’t it?

Despite this unbearable truth, I still think it is not enough reason for couples wherever, whenever to allow themselves be distracted -by whatever reasons tendered- from one another long enough to begin to believe: “I might just be able to do without him/her”.

Imagine this scenario where a husband or wife is so engulfed in his or her activity on the phone,  that they are not able to concentrate on what the other is saying. Finding it rather difficult to make meaningful contribution other than the occasional “hmm” and “oh” to show they are still in the room and not just a lump on a log.wpid-images.jpeg

This “hmm and oh” situation has since become the source of worry and discomfort in many homes today!

Why we actually prefer the “technology intruder” over and above our spouses and family could sometimes be determined.
Ranging from: “it doesn’t talk back” and “l don’t have to keep repeating myself” to- “it does exactly what I tell it” and “it understands how I feel”.

Doesn’t that sound like another…

But are these reasons enough to “stay strange” to someone we once professed “undieing” and unending love for?.

To think that we don’t quickly notice the “pull apart” we start experiencing as a result is even more disheartening.

I hear you say “it’s becoming too much” or “it’s already too late” but where were you when it started and what did you do to stem the ugly situation rearing its ugly head.

There are always telltale signs for these kinds of awkward situations and if we could just identify them and nip these situations in the bud, we would save ourselves and our loved ones a lot of stress and distress.

When you start staying up late for needless chats with friends-that’s a sign.

When you rather talk to your phone than your spouse-that’s a sign.

When you feel the urgent need to be left alone, with your phone, so you can take care of business-that’s a sign.

When you leave the food to get burnt because you are on the phone-that’s a sign!

What if the children get sidestepped because of that contraption of yours, no, no. Not good at all!

One of the reasons we may be unable to approach this issue of neglect we feel when our spouses abandon us for their phones is probably because we had at some point or another put ourselves in the same strange circumstances.

Should we then let sleeping dogs be and worsen an already complicated situation?

Another could be that at one point or another we “relished” the “me time” we taught we were having and consequently decided to do nothing about it until it became a cause for concern and haunted us.

So next time you are having a “me time” and your heartbeat does a triple on you, please take a cue from your thundering heart and quit?

Then you won’t have to give those silly excuses when your spouse is approaching.

Then again, I think that one of the major culprits to our not wanting to accept that things are getting out of hand in our relationship and then do almost nothing about it is either self pity or downright laziness.

Can we at least have a heart to heart discussion with our spouses?

We notice the signs but dismiss them even before analyzing them, we get pricked but call it a phase.

Until it grows into an ugly monster that would only take the grace of God to tackle, we do almost nothing and then run from pillar to post most times to those who may not be of help instead of going to God for ultimate counsel and wisdom.

May we not have cause to regret our inactions and actions but be courageous enough to at least be willing to do what is needed even asking ourselves some of these questions:

I’m I the originator of this problem? Have I done enough on my part to curb it? What is the best way to handle this situation?.

We all need to be watchful and prayerful for our adversary the devil goes about seeking who he may devour.

I’m not saying we should assume the role of detective or nag our spouses to death.

I’m just saying we should be more circumspect, observant, proactive rather than reactive in all our dealings.

Let’s not allow little things that we can easily detect and regulate cause us greatly.

We can start with ourselves and not become slaves to our little technology monsters.

Take that step today.

🙂 🙂 🙂

The devil we know or the one we like

I saw this title in a post by one of my friends on Facebook: “Christmas eve in my city” and naturally one would expect some kind of description of how things were gearing up for the next day, but when I was done reading, all I could say in response to the post was: “Hmmm”.

The write up had as one of its strong themes, amongst others which filtered through to me as : I am tired of status quo.

By the time you are done reading, especially with the added pictures to better describe goings on, you would come to understand why.

There are many Nigerians who have just about had it with the present regime of government and the entire democratic process so far and are desperate for something or rather someone who would at least remove them from the stone age we currently live in and “shine the light on them”. That was one major problem Victor Ogbija’s post on Facebook, hoped would be resolved even as he went ahead to “cry out for help” regarding the situation.

Pastor Victor is not the only one crying out for change. We have all had similar experiences where we had to run our  generators countless number of times this year and even in this holiday season despite having paid our electricity bills for services not rendered.

Yet come 2015, which is election year, you and I will be expected to file out en mass to perform our civic responsibility (or is it civic right now) to vote or be voted for.

The debate for and against aspirants are very compelling with all sides involved putting forth their best arguments in a bid to “buy over” as much people as possible to their various sides.

I will not go into what has or has not been these past years during this present administration and others before it, or the pedigree of aspirants who are eager to take over or continue,  young or old, experienced or not. I just have this to put forward for all of us to ponder:

The leader is a projection of the people.

I personally don’t see any other way to go about this because until, we are really ready for change until, we have decided we have had enough until, we are ready to hold our leaders accountable and responsible for their actions instead of patting them in the back and saying: “well done” each time they patch up roads until, we say no to “stomach infrastructure” until, we stop castigating anyone and everyone who tries to speak up for change until, we are ready to stand for our rights and also do what is right shunning evil until, we are ready to stop sitting on the fence or saying “as long as I’m not affected” and are willing to throw away indifference and the tendency to “quickly adapt” to whatever inhumane and demeaning situation that is  handed us by our rulers. Until we are willing to stand together and fight for what is truly ours….

Until.., until…, until….

We are not ready for change or the benefits of democracy.

Every country today that things seem to, in one way or another, be working for them have conquered individual selfish interest (at least to an extent) in exchange for “the greater good” or the benefit of all. They have had to stand up and fight for what they believed in. They have had to pay “the price” for the desired change. They have had to and still have to look their leaders in the eye and demand for accountability whenever the situation requires it.

Are we truly ready to do what it takes to get the change that has eluded us these past years? Are we ready to man up and demand that our rulership be held accountable for their actions and follow through?

Are we going to settle for the devil we know or the one we like?

For, until we decide to take the proverbial bull by the horns and rewrite our history ourselves, we might never have what is rightfully ours and in years to come, generations after us might have nothing left to be “corrupt over”. For as we have all come to know; the oil wells do run dry.

Four years ago at least, l was very sure who I wasn’t going to vote for, (even if almost every other person in my polling station told me I was throwing away my precious vote) because I wasn’t ready to fall for the “pattern of success” greatly catalogued and canvassed for the popular person in question. I was still determined to go ahead and “throw away” my vote. An action I am still proud of till date. But this time around, I have become completely clueless as to how my vote will go.

The rulership is a projection of the ruled
, and until we are ready to step up and do what is right to get what we need, our leaders will continue to not-reflect what we have refused to be…

RESPONSIBLE.

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