The things I had to compete with!


Happy wedding anniversary!!!
My husband and his six string guitar.

Today is my wedding anniversary and I am in a reflective mood. One of the things I am thinking about right now is” how many things did I have to compete with for my husband’s attention?”

In general, couples have a lot to fight with to gain their spouse’s attention and the list continues to grow madly.

On the man’s part he might have to compete with the children for the wife’s attention, the boss in the office, house chores, soap’s (tv programmes in general) and don’t forget the parent in-law’s.

For the wife, she might have to deal with; husband’s job, secretary, personal assistant, mother in-law(in-laws in general), sports, and oh the other woman. (The children usually have a way of making sure mum always have their attention, no matter their sex)

Right at the top of that list as for me, please feel free to put as number one -my husband’s bass guitar. Don’t get me wrong, I had my fair (unfair share I should say. Because there some things that move some men that mine wouldn’t be bothered about) share of other things on the list and more. But nothing more compelling and competitive as the bass guitar!

My husband likes to pray, praise and practice late into the night and when he’s done he brings the blasted thing to bed.I would sometimes in reaching out to touch my husband at night be confronted with the “cold woodeness” of it’s royal highness. At the early stage of our marriage, my guy used to refer to the blasted thing as his second wife!!. Until of course I made him realise that he was doing so to his peril and there were certain things his stringy companion wouldn’t do or give to him!

Common sense prevailed eventually and stringy stopped coming to bed with us. Though I saw it this morning on bed, but not in between us as before,  but far away from my wifely attack.

It’s been a wonderful journey these thirteen years. That’s not to say that there were no times when I felt like this;

These are some of the things I’ve learned:

1. Mom is a supper woman! and so can’t be tired, sleepy or ill-until I go on strike and everyone knows I am not joking.

2. Mom knows it all!-until the child gets to understand the cartoon he/she watches and believes every word that “auntie and uncle”says.

3. You don’t always get a”good job” for work done but rather; you missed a spot! Believe me it’s all done in complete innocence and true love.:);)

4. You have to do dinner, even if you come home after your husband. Your touch they say makes the difference.

5. Give an honest answer to every question asked by your children. You might not be the only one they have or will ask.

6. When in doubt of the answer to their assignments please say so and humbly ask for Google’s assistance.

7. God is the best friend you have and He alone should you tell about the marital issues if any. No third party allowed!

8. When in doubt of a situation or not sure of happenings, please ask. Your mind could do wonderful things to otherwise clear issues especially when you are upset, suspicious or have some other emotion that would not support organized thinking.

9. Everyone’s opinion counts take note of them but move on. They don’t have to form the foundation of the family principles and guide lines.

10. No one is a mind reader! Keep a healthy conversational lifestyle.

l look forward to the next thirteen years and much more with you my love.



What! Our daughter’s name is your ex-girlfriend’s! ?



I remember an elderly woman once told me that she prevented her husband from naming their daughter after a woman he would have married and considering that back then marriage was done with the most noble of intention,I wondered what his reasons were for wanting to do such.

It got me thinking… Imagine this scenari in our time;

Once upon a time there lived a guy who was attracted to a girl. He loved her so much he wanted to marry her but didn’t know how to make his feelings known because he felt she was way out of his league. They eventually become good friends and still he couldn’t tell her how he felt.

Anyway,after sleepless nights and several rehearsals on what to say and how he should say them, he eventually opens up only to be told she recently got engaged and would soon be married.

Broken hearted and  chiding himself for being such a fool he decides to move on. He later finds,falls in love and marries another girl.

When they have their daughter he decides to give her the “old flames” name unknowing to the wife .

Then she finds out…


1. How should wifey here deal with this?

2. Is hubby still “flaming” for old flame?

3. Should there be a name change?


4. Should this even be an issue?

I look forward to your comments.

The very best.

















And the silence is deafening


When my father Mr. JosephOkechukwuAgbai died on the 4th of February 2014,Iwasheart broken(

Still I’m actually).

I received an sms from a childhood buddy on Saturday that her mum had passed(Rest in peace Mama) and with the recent deaths of Akunyunli Dora, Kefee and others……I write this short poem.

May their souls rest in peace.

And the silence is deafening..

The journey has begun

The one you travel alone

The one that signals the end

The one that is not pretend

And the silence is deafening…

Hope ceases to exist

Faith is needless in its wits

Love unable to compete

Joy struggles to exist.

And the silence is….

Suddenly you are all alone

Surrounded by chaos and ignored

Searching times spent and unspent

Staring at an endless end


To lead or not to lead….?

Leaders are to pave the way for others to follow. Leaders are to have sympathy if not empathy for its followers. If this dangerous trend is replicated or allowed to thrive without  opposition,then there’s a problem. A serious one indeed.

I tried hard to ignore this but couldn’t,it just refused to go away. How can our leaders be this greedy and self centred! A couple of people wake up and put into law a provision that would take care of them and their families for the rest of their lives, just because they have served as governors in Akwa Ibom state,and no one is doing anything about it.

The other day someone posts on Facebook” I wish I was a past governor of Akwa Ibom state” and you wonder why? It is really very sad indeed that our leaders will in the face of gross unemployment, hunger and terror attacks come up with such a rediculous thing. N100 million and N50 million annual pension for “All” past indigenous governors and deputy governors of Akwa Ibom state respectively.This also includes those that served when the state was still Cross River and would be for the life time of such a one. Tell me, why wouldn’t anyone not want to be  governor of the state?and for all the wrong reasons too!Why would there not be mass rigging of election to secure such a juicy pension for life??

Soon other states of the federation will adopt similar if not more outrageous laws for themselves.They are probably just waiting to see how this plays out before going ahead to do the unthinkable.

2015 is election year and It can only be imagined how this would affect the process and eventual outcome of election in this and other states.

It’s also a pity that the Akwa Ibom state chapter of NLC or is it TUC that promised a protest rally against this bill passing into law either had their legs and hands weighed down by “Ghana must go” bags of money or could not find enough courage to rise up to the occasion.

By the time the State house of  Assembly decides on the “pension for life amount” due each past member, the Akwa Ibom people will have nothing left for them in their treasury.

If this could happen in our time, I wonder what the generations to follow will have to face. It is really a sad one indeed.

And we call Shekau and his team terrorists??…

Rain on the Children’s day Parade

Anyone familiar with the expression”Dont rain on my parade”will agree with me that this year’s children’s day celebration has not only been rained upon by the activities of the Boko Haram sect but it can be regarded as an all time”high” in thunderstorms.

I believe other states of our dear country Nigeria should take a cue from the Niger state government and either cancel whatever activities are planned for this particular occasion, make it all about the Chibok girls or have it on a very, very low key indeed.

And guess what else has taken thunder strikes from activities of the same sect-“The Nigerian Millennium Development Goals on Education by 2015”, especially with the death of no fewer than 173 teachers. This I believe,is a forum where stakeholders promise all sorts of reforms and ways forward in the education sector and expect to be believed by everyday you and I Nigerian.

I have children of my own who look forward to children’s”stay at home”day celebration with lots of cartoons and all other things that children love that has nothing to do with homework or studying. As parents, let’s use this opportunity to reflect and say a prayer for the Chibok girls and their families.

May they be found even before May 27th so that this Children’s day celebrations will be a memorable one.

Do you know what else is happening next year that is suffering from the strikes of heavy thunderstorms? ?

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