Turf Trouble.

It becomes imperative at times to draw lines especially for our own sanity, and no matter how we look at it, levels exist and they exist for our own good.

Well, most times.

Imagine a headless chicken, all it does is run around in frantic circles or in no particular direction at all until it finally gives up and kaputs.

Divisions, strata, levels and what have you will always exist for easy coordination and division of labour among other reasons,  but how we handle, approach and manage them in our everyday relationship is what really matters.

Take the relationship between a boss and his subordinate. No matter how jovial or not the boss is or vice versa, at the end of the day both party involved know who calls the shots! Even if the latter tries to undermine the other, the best the boss would do if he gets tired is hey; “hasta la vista baby!” And that is it!

Of all the unions and relationship that exist, I think the one mostly questioned or overlooked in terms of who is boss and who is not is the marriage relationship!

It has been branded so many names; an institution, contractual relationship, bond, shackle, agreement you name it and over the years people have come up with names to best suit and describe their sentiments, experiences and beliefs about what they think marriage is or should be and each of these headings and the people that fall into or under them have tried to come up with how they think things are to carry on in the marriage relationship.

Hmmm…

Can I submit here and now that as Christians, we are not to go by beliefs, teachings, laws or anything else other than that established by or on the word of God?

No matter how “contemporary” or “in vogue” it might seem, we should not allow ourselves be swept away by the tide of the world in the name of wanting to “belong” and be “hip”.

The Bible has clearly stated how this union is supposed to be (amongst other passages):

1.  Ephesians  5:22: Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord:

After Paul generally asks Christians in the preceeding verse to submit to one another why does he go ahead to specifically ask wives to submit to their own husbands I ask? This should get us seated in our thinking corners….wondering, and probably worrying why the man would still want to point a finger at the women folk and go “you had better be submitting to your husbands, you hear” . This is not because between us gals and the men folk, we are the ones more susceptible to submission issues noooo, (especially since we get a lot of help from our sometimes “too busy to notice, ego inflated husbands of ours!” :p ) but rather, we are the ones that can handle their egos in the first place! Imagine a headless chicken, yeah?. Now imagine it with two heads. What would you call it, a freak of nature? odd? weird,…. No one would want anything to do with it, (except maybe of course analyse it or make it a press issue) let alone have it for dinner!

If God has allowed the man the title “head” of the body-wife, who are we to question or quarrel with it? Except we no longer belong to the fold, we have no business fretting about it. Especially since we have been assigned other pressing matters!

Has it occurred to you that the head is only a small part of the body even though it contains the brain? And that by virtue of placement or occupation we have responsibility of every other part of the entire body? If we have at one time or another contemplated this truth and have come to accept it, then why, for goodness sake do go about worrying and fussing about who plays lead role?

I don’t get it!!!

Except the human anatomy has changed or evolved from the last time I  checked, the head still only contains the brain, ears, eyes, nose, mouth/tongue, and a minute spread of the skin (in comparison) as the only organs of the body. (Someone please correct me if I am wrong!) As opposed to the entire remaining spread of the skin, the limbs, the liver, kidneys, the heart, THE HEART, and so on and so forth?

In fact, I believe we still own the neck, after all the Bible says head doesn’t it? It only leaves to be imagined what women can achieve when they decide to employ the “neck” arsenal!

Forget background and the foundation on which the marriage was/is built on (that itself is a frightening topic on its own and beyond the scope of discuss right now), isn’t this enough responsibility?….

I agree that this may not hold sway for the work place and the like, but remember we are talking about husband and wife here so let’s be careful not to allow work related principles get in the way of God instituted truths!

Submission is not and will never mean “mumu” (dummy) but instead signifies strength! And for those that know how to go about it, absolute control-but deciding to allow! Sorry, but that more often than not is the case!

And let’s not forget that the reverence is to our own husbands. So whoever you revere over and above your husband should be brought down immediately from that pedestal or be ready to carry the trouble if and when it starts. Clergy or not!

2. Ephesians  5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

3. Ephesians  5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

4. Ephesians  5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

5. Ephesians  5:29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

As for our men folk, the above verses I have graciously brought out for your urgent attention! (Yeah, yeah, yeah, call me feminist, call me whatever because of more verses), but that there are certain words that have probably been deleted from your dictionary (with or without your knowledge) while you guys were going around chanting the “thou shalt submit”! song and this has become frightfully obvious.

Take for instance in verse 25 for some of the words our men would do us a favor to include in their dictionary is the word LOVE (and for the definition of the word please refer to 1 Corinthians 13. Thank you.)

Need I say that someone who feels loved will not go about feeling cheated, insecure, downcast, downtrodden etcetera etcetera. Unless the woman in question has issues that need both spiritual and psychiatric resolve and yes!, we are that easy to please, sway. Just apply the right dose of T.L.C. and voilà!, you have us eating out of your hands.

But remember, *whispering* right treatment before the eating out of your hands part. Not the other way around. Please!

I am not even going to mention the giving up yourself part. For some men, that may be like asking for a Tsunami in Sudan!

Let’s just stick to the loving your wife part, hopefully that should do it… or should I add the “like your own selves, or would that be too much as well? ;).

Anyway, the next words would be “nourishing and cherishing” at this point I decided to do a quick confirmation on what those two words mean so I don’t blab away missing the mark.

Nourishing: providing the things that are needed for health, growth etc
: giving nourishment

This includes spiritually too.

For the women, the men folk can not love you more than themselves so enough with the “daydreams” and comparison with “others” that could easily put asunder. Plant thy feet on solid ground, please!

Cherishing: to feel or show great love for someone or something.
: to remember or hold (an idea, belief etc) in a deeply felt way.

I shall not say more other than, the word is actually a verb.

But seriously, if we could just play our parts faithfully with the aid of the Holy Spirit, there would be no need for phrases like:
“when I married you, did you bring anything into this house”
“Do you know who I am”
“It is my money/car”
….and all the heart wrenching “others” that we allow to infiltrate.

May God keep us all safe in Him. Even as we decide to be circumspect in all we do.

Maranatha!